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You
Cannot Not Influence!
How to achieve desirable outcomes
through others
Influence: An invisible or insensible (unconscious
or incapable of being perceived) action exerted by one
thing or person on another; the power of producing effects
by invisible means; to modify, affect, sway; to move or impel
to (do) something.
The Macquarie Dictionary gives us this definition of one
of the most important aspects of interpersonal relationships.
Whether or not we are aware of it, every day in countless
ways, we are influencing those around us. Clients, employees,
prospects, peers – all are impacted in some way by what
we say and do. In is in our interest, then, to become
aware of the influence we are having on others and
to ensure it matches out intentions.
Some 13 years ago, I worked as the Training Manager for a
national accounting firm. The time of year had rolled around
when all managers within the company were required to submit
their budget requests for the coming twelve months. Dutifully,
I had spent many hours compiling figures, projecting income
streams and cost-justifying my requests with realistic return-on-investment
estimates.
The day came for my appointed meeting with my manager (the
head of the Victorian operations). Having submitted my research
and report to him some four days earlier, I was primed and
ready to go – as I assumed he was as well. As clearly
as if it was yesterday, I remember walking into his office,
placing my papers in front of me on his desk and taking a
seat in the official supplicant chair. As I did so, my manager
reached across his desk, and with an extended arm in one simple
sweep pushed my papers to the side. Then, looking directly
into my eyes, he said “Now tell me, Sandi – when
are you going off to have babies?”
Now please know, this article is not in any way a treatise
on harassment, or an expose of male chauvinistic business
practices! My point in sharing this story is to highlight
how we can unwittingly influence others in ways we perhaps
did not intend. I doubt my manager really intended that I
arrive at work the next day with my resignation in hand (which
is, in fact, what I did). I believe it was simply his way
of ‘jovially’ starting our meeting – yet
for me it was an insult that I was not prepared to tolerate.
Fundamentally, people are only influenced (or motivated by)
two things: the desire to move away from pain
or the desire to move towards pleasure. In
this story, my actions were my way of avoiding ‘pain’
– no longer working in an organisation where I felt
my contributions were not valued and my opinions were left
unheard. It was most certainly not a move towards pleasure,
as I had no other immediate employment arranged, and I was
single with a mortgage, car lease and a cat that depended
on me to keep her fed!
Consider in our business world today – which is more
commonly used to ‘motivate’ employees: ‘do
this job or you’ll be fired’ or ‘do this
job and you will learn new skills to advance in your career’?
We assume (perhaps) that this second statement would have
no value to someone, and we fall into the habit of using the
former type of statement with everyone much of the time.
We also need to be honest in our influencing habits. Telling
someone they will be looked upon favourably when next an opportunity
for promotion becomes available is lying (not influence) if
this is, in fact, not true. Yet there are so many types of
‘pleasure’ that will motivate people. Let’s
brainstorm some: a late start, early departure or longer lunch;
recognition in a company publication or meeting; a cappuccino
and their favourite danish pastry delivered to their desk
at morning tea; the opportunity to learn something new; the
chance to take on extra responsibility; an opening to work
in a new team; a simple ‘thank you’ for a job
well done – this list can be endless if we just put
our minds to it!
The next step is to consider which of these ‘pleasures’
will appeal to an individual. Whereas as some people will
delight in the idea of being publicly recognised for an achievement,
others will cringe at the mere thought of being singled out
in front of a group. Your knowledge of your staff, colleagues
and clients will guide you to the appropriate choice. And
if you’re still feeling unsure as to what type of pleasure
would interest them – you can always ask!
Often when I speak about influence, I am asked, “Isn’t
what you’re talking about manipulation?” Well,
maybe it is and maybe it isn’t.
Back to my trusty resource, the Macquarie Dictionary. Manipulate:
to handle, manage or use (especially with skill) in some
process of treatment or performance; to manage or influence
by artful skill, or deviousness; to adapt or change (accounts,
figures, etc.) to suit one’s purpose or advantage.
Taking the first part of this definition, I would agree that
influence and manipulation are closely aligned. Yet it is
the second and third definitions that are more commonly thought
of in our society when speaking of manipulation. Most people,
when I ask them to clarify the distinction between these two
words, tell me there is something sneaky or underhanded about
manipulation.
Here’s the distinction I have come to use: Manipulation
benefits the manipulator; Influence
benefits all parties. In other words,
when you are conscious of your desire and intent to influence
someone, you can honestly and clearly see there is some usefulness
(or advantage) for them in following what
you say. You are not merely looking for compliance because
of what this will provide you.
There are many factors that influence people’s behaviour.
In his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion,
Robert Cialdini states that the psychology of compliance can
be explained by six fundamental categories. Each of these
is governed by a psychological principle that directs human
behaviour. Briefly summarised, they are:
- Reciprocation: The law of mutual exchange.
A person will sense a need to reciprocate (to give something
in return) when they feel you have given them something.
The value of the exchanged “goods” is usually
comparable but not necessarily equal.
- Liking: As a rule, we are most likely
to comply with the requests of someone we know and like
(not surprisingly).
- Authority: Studies have shown that there
is a deep-seated sense of duty to authority in all humans.
Obedience to authority is an intrinsic human behaviour.
- Social Proof: A person will feel less
foolish, threatened, self-conscious or concerned about complying
with a request when they can see, hear or experience the
evidence that other people are doing (or have done) whatever
it is that is being asked of them.
- Scarcity: A person may tend to want
something more if he or she feels the thing in question
is in insufficient or short supply. The rarity, infrequency
and/or uniqueness of something can often make it more desirable.
A person who fears they may miss out on something may tend
to then want it even more.
- Commitment and Consistency: Human beings
have a strong inner desire to be consistent (or in line)
with what they have done in the past. They need to have
a sense that things are not radically different to what
they already know and have experienced. Moreover, once a
person has made a commitment to a goal, person or task,
they will then tend to be even more strongly bound (or loyal)
to it.
Naturally, we can use this information in either a manipulative
or influential way. We can seek to simply gain compliance
to our directives or move people to take actions that will
be in the best interests of all concerned. Cialdini’s
book makes for fascinating reading as you seek to discover
your own personal style of influence.
“Influence is like a savings account. The less you
use it, the more you’ve got.” Source Unknown
© Sandi Givens, 2003
Permission to reprint this article is welcomed provided the
following:
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