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Self Awareness – A
Path to Serenity
Ever had one of those days? Sometimes the reasons are obvious
– the car ran out of petrol, you arrived 20 minutes
late to an important meeting, a last-minute job with an urgent
deadline got dropped on you at work and you returned home
at 8:30pm to find only mouldy left-overs in the refrigerator
for dinner! Pretty easy to see how this kind of day could
leave you feeling out-of-sorts!
But what about those times when the reasons for your low
mood aren’t obvious at all? You can clearly discern
a sense of uneasiness, despondency or even sadness. On reflection,
none of this can be traced back to any specific event or circumstance.
Yet the feeling is ‘real’, nonetheless, and you
may begin to feel even worse because in the absence of a ‘cause’
you feel powerless to actually do something to help you feel
better.
I vividly remember experiencing this latter type of day a
few months ago while working interstate. It was the end of
a long day of facilitating a workshop an Customer Service
and I was nurturing myself with a quiet coffee in the hotel
café before eating dinner in my room. I suddenly became
aware of this draining, low mood descending upon me. Ignorant
of its cause (it had been a good day with my group of participants
– lots of learning and laughter), the ‘depressed’
feeling grew more pronounced as I neared the bottom of my
cup.
Some physical exercise – that’s what I needed!
I set off on my 45 minute power walk, keen to put my troubles
(whatever they were!) behind me. Though I’m sure the
exercise was beneficial, it failed to serve my prime purpose
and I returned to my room still feeling burdened by some unidentified
weightiness.
During his phone call to me, my husband picked up on my mood
and asked me what was wrong. Still unable to articulate ‘it’,
we moved on to chat about other things for a while until my
room service dinner arrived.
So there I was, 5 minutes into my dinner when the AHA struck
me! I was missing ‘connectedness’. A natural extravert,
I enjoy spending time with other people (which I’d done
all day in the workshop). More specifically, though, I’m
an intimate extravert. This aspect of extraversion desires
(even, at times, needs) to have contact with people with whom
they share an ongoing relationship. They like to communicate
about issues that are important to them and the other person.
They seek a depth of connection with others which
allows them to share (with those they trust) the normally
secluded parts of themselves that are the real human being.
So despite having spent the entire day (and the previous
2 days) surrounded by people discussing various topics of
the workshop, there was a part of my extraverted nature that
was unfulfilled. And that, I realised with relief,
was the catalyst to my low mood.
This awareness enabled me to understand and accept how I
was feeling. It was no longer something to worry about, stew
over or try to ‘fix’. The mystery solved, I asked
myself “OK, if that’s the cause, what do I want
to do about this right now? What are my options?”
Away from home and my loved ones limited my choices, but I
still had some, nonetheless! Reading my novel won and I spent
the next few hours both physically and emotionally relaxed.
So why have I shared this story? Because I learned (again)
that night how important it is to know ourselves well. Had
I not had the awareness of my intimate extraverted
nature, I might well have spent the next several hours or
days allowing the feelings of gloom to grow and perhaps even
overwhelm me. My self-knowledge enabled me to identify where
my low was coming from, accept it and simply move on.
The benefits of self-awareness are numerous. To begin with,
we can be more kind and gentle with ourselves. As a consequence,
we are then better able to relate and be of service to others
– and feel empowered to do whatever it is we need to
do.
Enjoy your learning journey!
© Sandi Givens, 2003
Permission to reprint this article is welcomed provided the
following:
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