Blog

Categories

Archives

Above the Radar Assertiveness Assertivensss Authenticity Being Real Belonging Bravery Bullying Businesswomen Celebration Change Management Children Communication Confidence Conflict Conflict Management Conflict Resolution Courage Depression Differences Failure Followers Gossip Harassment Health Hierarchy of Needs Hr Professionals Ideas Independence Initiative Inspiration Language Leader Responsibilities Leaderhip Leaders Leadership Leadership Without a Title Learning Learning and Development Lying Maslow Mastery Mediation Mistakes Motherhood Motivation National Days Office Gossip Organisation Ownership Personal Development Personal Leadership Personal Mastery Personality Styles Personality Types Politics Proactive Behaviour Productivity Progress Projects Reality Check Reflections Reflections & Inspirations Reframing Regional Australia Self-Esteem Seth Godin Stress Success Taking Responsibility Team Building Team Culture Teams Training Training Programs Unconscious Bias Women Women in Business Work Life Balance Work/Life Balance Workplace Bullying Workplace Lies
RSS Feed

5 Tips to Say 'No' Graciously

5 Tips to Say 'No' Graciously
Especially at this time of year, we can be pulled in 1001 different directions with so many demands on our time and attention. So here are 5 very specific techniques to help you say 'no' when you want - or need! - to!
 
  1. Remind yourself you are refusing the request not the person themselves. You might even remind the other person of this, too. "John, you know I've helped you in the past whenever possible - and it's just not possible for me to do that (or 'meet that deadline') for you right now."
  2. Offer what you CAN do. Sure - it may not be the whole kit and caboodle they are asking for, but is there some amount of assistance you can offer?
  3. Give a brief mention of the reason for your 'no' before actually saying it. Why? We all know ourselves that when we hear a 'I can't do that because ...' from someone, we rarely hear their explanation ... we're too busy thinking about our 'counter argument' and how we'll pressure them to say yes! So instead say "Mary, because of XYZ, I'm not able to help you / attend that function this time."
  4. Focus on being Polite, Honest, Clear (being brief is the best way to achieve this) and Clean (without blaming the other person in any way). And stay focussed on the one current request - even if the other person starts to dredge out a historical litany of all the times they've helped you!
  5. Thanks to my good friend and colleague, Robyn Henderson (www.networkingtowin.com.au), I now use this to help me decide if I can assist: "Give without remembering ... Receive without forgetting."

    How does this help me? I stop and consider if I can meet the request freely - without marking it up on my mental scorecard with the other person 'owing me one'. If this is the case, then I will be giving with resentment and/or string attached, which is not the spirit I want to come from. So if I decide on this basis to say 'no', I make use of the first 4 techniques to help me do so.
 
Wishing you success in saying 'no', drawing boundaries for yourself and being more in control of your life!
 
And all the best for the festive season and 2014 - see you next year!
Van says:
12-January-2014 at 2:34 pm
What fabulous advice! Saying no is always hard but you are making it easier. Definitely worth sharing.

http://culturedrive.com/
Sandi says:
14-January-2014 at 12:48 pm
Hi Van - Thanks so much for your comment. I know it can be hard ... we are worried about causing conflict, upsetting the other person, unsure how they will react ... so glad you found these tips helpful - I certainly have over the years. And thanks for sharing!

You might be interested in reading about my latest initiative to extend my own growth - you can read about it here: sandi2014.wordpress.com

Enjoy!

Tags: Assertivensss |

Blog Categories
Recent Blog Posts
  • Are you living your full potential?

    In my work, I frequently speak with people who are disenchanted with their lives.

    “I feel so frustrated … I’ve been doing the same thing at work for years and I just can’t seem to get ahead.”

    “I feel lost. I know I am capable of doing more but have no idea how to achieve what I really want to do.”

    “Maybe I’m just not meant to do anything else. I mean, who am I to want more?”

     

    I find this very sad. 

  • Why we've got to stop talking about "Work/Life Balance"!

    Work/Life Balance doesn't exist - and while we continue to strive to achieve it, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.

    Why?

    The phrase itself suggests a couple things that are inherent in the problem:

  • What does it take to achieve Work/Life Balance? (is it even possible?)
    Frankly, no. It's not possible - and we are causing ourselves untold frustration and disappointment while we keep trying to achieve it!
     
     
    Why do I say this?
     
    Well, think for a minute about the phrase itself - 

  • The Secret to handling ‘Difficult’ People

    (WARNING: Your life as you know it is about to change)

     

    “How can I handle difficult people?”

    Answer – you can’t.

    “Wait – what? You mean I’m stuck with them in my life?”

    Answer – it all depends on how you look at it.

  • Your Good-Enough List (A critical Sanity-Saving Tool)

    I recently attended a three-day women’s festival that I attended for the first time in 2016. It’s never the same the second, third or umpteenth time around is it? First of all, there’s that ‘first time newness’ that we can only get once. “Wow! Look at that!” “Goodness, that’s amazing!” And so on … because we are seeing things through fresh, first-time eyes.

    In our subsequent visits, while we look for that same magic, but logically know it will be different than our beloved ‘first-time’.  We then start to notice what’s not there that we liked the previous year(s), and lament “But I really liked that!”

    So this year, I decided to focus instead on what was new, different and intriguing. And that’s how I came across The Release Tree.
Sign Up to Sandi's Snippets
First Name
*
Last Name
*
Email

Gender

Postcode